The Fanatical Swordsman

‘Twas the night before GS, when all through the stations
Arenas were popping, just not the ranked ones;
Our Cartel Coins were purchased, we were ready to buy,
The ship skins the next day, when one would catch our eye;
The PvEers were still kinda whinin’ on the forums;
Because 12v12 space dogfights epitomized boredom;
Dressed in my pilot’s gear I had earned from space loot,
I prepared for a new game that would make it all moot.

When onto the forums arose the patch notes,
I sprang to my laptop to see what the Devs wrote.
To my browser window I flew like a Flash,
Like my ‘Slinger’s Grenade when I button mash.
Not much different from the Public Test Server,
‘Cept now that they’re real, I have a little more fervor,
Still the space combat, 12v12, free-flight,
And the Vigilance changes that make you eat a Master Strike,
Marauders are nerfed and Shadows are buffed,
And DPS Operatives still just sit on their duffs.
Not much is new news, so not much of a thought,
Although, hey look, they misspelled Rail Shot.
Now, bug fix! now, relic buffs! now Rakghouls and Gree cubes!
New Arena map! Which of course will be used with these fast queues!
Training dummy attachments! Now, aren’t they cute?
Chase perception issues away, and parse executes.
One thing that did put a twinkle in my eye,
An actual Life Day event must be nigh;
For new achievements were added with the Rakghoul ones!
Now we won’t have to pay to have holiday fun —
Oh look, the old Cartel Packs are back with a new glint
For 6912 CC, a temp discount of 10 percent.

As I drew in a breath to absorb the new changes,
I looked at the forums to see all the rages.
All the trolls, out in force, instead of in ranked queues,
Arguing about class balance with boo-hoos;
And while their complaints were well justified,
When they argued with vitriol, their argument died.
Their eyes, all enflamed from the tiny balance pass!
Their cheeks, flushed with passion about their favorite class.
Never mind that this starts exactly what we all asked for,
Bioware making small adjustments unlike what they did before;
“This game’s gonna die, and it starts with my sub”
And they threaten to quit (‘course they won’t, join the club).

See, all of the PvPers are excited about space
That will take us in ships all over the place.
So even the problems we’ve had in the past,
Can’t diminish our joy at ship engines flying past.
From level one, you can fly in your fighter.
You can level without killing even one ground-based blighter;
Sure, the unlocks will make you feel cool,
I mean, blasters is all it takes to please this grinning fool,
The colors and skins are really just for show,
Buy them or not, doesn’t affect me, you know.

So Santa Bioware left us with events and an expac,
Might have killed ground PvP, but they’ll just say that,
“Sorry for no dual queue, my dear girls and boys—
“Happy Life Day to all, go buy some Cartel Coins!”