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Posts Tagged ‘funny’

What really happens in the SWTOR PvP office

February 13, 2015 10 comments

I…just…can’t…resist….

 

pvp producer's letter

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‘Twas the night before Galactic Starfighter – A Poem

December 2, 2013 3 comments

‘Twas the night before GS, when all through the stations
Arenas were popping, just not the ranked ones;
Our Cartel Coins were purchased, we were ready to buy,
The ship skins the next day, when one would catch our eye;
The PvEers were still kinda whinin’ on the forums;
Because 12v12 space dogfights epitomized boredom;
Dressed in my pilot’s gear I had earned from space loot,
I prepared for a new game that would make it all moot.

When onto the forums arose the patch notes,
I sprang to my laptop to see what the Devs wrote.
To my browser window I flew like a Flash,
Like my ‘Slinger’s Grenade when I button mash.
Not much different from the Public Test Server,
‘Cept now that they’re real, I have a little more fervor,
Still the space combat, 12v12, free-flight,
And the Vigilance changes that make you eat a Master Strike,
Marauders are nerfed and Shadows are buffed,
And DPS Operatives still just sit on their duffs.
Not much is new news, so not much of a thought,
Although, hey look, they misspelled Rail Shot.
Now, bug fix! now, relic buffs! now Rakghouls and Gree cubes!
New Arena map! Which of course will be used with these fast queues!
Training dummy attachments! Now, aren’t they cute?
Chase perception issues away, and parse executes.
One thing that did put a twinkle in my eye,
An actual Life Day event must be nigh;
For new achievements were added with the Rakghoul ones!
Now we won’t have to pay to have holiday fun —
Oh look, the old Cartel Packs are back with a new glint
For 6912 CC, a temp discount of 10 percent.

As I drew in a breath to absorb the new changes,
I looked at the forums to see all the rages.
All the trolls, out in force, instead of in ranked queues,
Arguing about class balance with boo-hoos;
And while their complaints were well justified,
When they argued with vitriol, their argument died.
Their eyes, all enflamed from the tiny balance pass!
Their cheeks, flushed with passion about their favorite class.
Never mind that this starts exactly what we all asked for,
Bioware making small adjustments unlike what they did before;
“This game’s gonna die, and it starts with my sub”
And they threaten to quit (‘course they won’t, join the club).

See, all of the PvPers are excited about space
That will take us in ships all over the place.
So even the problems we’ve had in the past,
Can’t diminish our joy at ship engines flying past.
From level one, you can fly in your fighter.
You can level without killing even one ground-based blighter;
Sure, the unlocks will make you feel cool,
I mean, blasters is all it takes to please this grinning fool,
The colors and skins are really just for show,
Buy them or not, doesn’t affect me, you know.

So Santa Bioware left us with events and an expac,
Might have killed ground PvP, but they’ll just say that,
“Sorry for no dual queue, my dear girls and boys—
“Happy Life Day to all, go buy some Cartel Coins!”

Quote of the Day

August 24, 2013 Comments off

Give me back my DPS back or I will have Tanno Vikk fill my Bt-7 Thunderclap to the brim with Baradium, strap Treek to pilot’s seat and and crash it to my subscription plan with such vigour that one time Sith gatecrashed into Jedi Temple at Coruscant with a transport ship will look like a gentle knock on the door.

-Davionix on the Official SWTOR Forums

They Have Done The Impossible…And That Makes Them Mighty

July 22, 2013 4 comments

intimidation firefly

 

I just found something AWESOME!!!

It was buried in the torrent of news from the San Diego Comic Con. It was none other than the announcement of an MMO based on my all-time favorite TV show. Star Trek Online, you say? No, that is already out, and Star Trek loses to this show easily. You mean they are making a Get Smart MMO, you ask? No, missed it by that much. Read more…

Things That Veteran SWTOR Players Know

July 1, 2013 4 comments

Just thought I would write up a quick list of things that veteran SWTOR players know. Here are twelve of my favorites (note: heavy sarcasm below).

  1. It is pronounced “swoh-tor” or “swuh-tor.”
  2. To win PvP, all you have to do is: pass, get ahead for passes, cap, stop caps, call inc, and KILL THE FREAKIN’ HEALER‼‼‼
  3. The Legacy System was once just an experience bar.
  4. “The game died a week after launch”
  5. Watch it the first time, spacebar after that
  6. PvP gear isn’t hard to get anymore
  7. Ilum was still fun.
  8. The Cartel Market is in fact really Ebenezer Scrooge. Two words: Life Day…
  9. The Rakghoul event was in fact one of the best pieces of content in any MMO ever.
  10. There are really three server names for your character. Your first server, your transferred server, and your mega-server (where you now reside). For example, I am from Lord Praven/Drooga’s Pleasure Barge/The Harbinger.
  11. Darth Malgus makes a good paperweight.
  12. Powertechs used to be scary.

EDIT: Had to fix number 10…it got lost halfway through…